Dinner with Chuck

See that food in front of us?

Bridie is having Wagyu steak - the steak reserved for Japanese Emperors. Get 1 cow, feed it beer and grain, let it watch TV all day and not only do you get contented milk, you get a special tasty beef.

I'm having lobster. It's good. It died for my meal and I don't have to mess around with the fiddly bits. I'm happy.

So why, a few hours later, am I talking on the Porcelain Phone to a guy named Chuck?

We're having lunch in the Burj Al Arab: The Seven Star hotel. Which just goes to show you can call yourself whatever you damn well want (maybe except Doctor - as Dr Pepper found out). Apparently this place is soooo posh that there are people there to help you wipe your bum. Though they were conveniently nowhere to be seen when I took mine to the toilet.

Umm... There was a guy there with hand cream now that I think about it... though best not to dwell on it.

After lunch we wander off for a bit of a shop and a walk. Easy to do in Dubai. But we have a boat booked for later and I need a bit of a nap first to digest.

But the digestion never happens.

Too soon and we are onto the boat, and out on Dubai Creek. The boat is a traditional type called a dhow, and the creek is actually a really wide river. But this is a dinner cruise, and this little black duck is not feeling well.

I even tried a bit of supermodel technique and went for a quiet chuck in the boat's toilet. The stomach was willing, but the throat didn't deliver. No doubt the staff wondered what all the noise was.

I drank fizzy water all night in the hope that a good burp would distract the throat - so that the stomach could get a good delivery in. Nada - my stomach was very happy to churn with every rocking motion - but no results.

Only when we got back to the hotel did I coax the unsettled beast out. Bridie stayed in the bedroom, constantly turning up the TV whenever she heard too much.

As far as meals go this is probably the most expensive I have ever eaten. Certainly it is the most expensive that I have had to taste twice. With the possible exception of airline food. At least on a plane you get to go somewhere.

The legal representatives from the Burj would like me to point out that I probably didn't get it from them. After all Bridie and I shared everything. The only time she felt sick was listening to me complain. If anything it was probably just a bug that I picked up, and carefully incubated on the way back here. Or maybe I just ate too much.

Follow-up:
I went to the doctor yesterday. She wanted a sample. I obliged with this mornings ablution. I had to return it to the doctor's surgery. But they weren't open. So I put it through their mail slot.

I posted poo for the first time today.