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Internet Meme

Type your name in google, followed by the word 'needs'

Fortunately someone has already done it for me:
http://www.knightopia.com/journal/archives/000832.html

1. Steve needs a doctor.
2. Steve needs help again, please.
3. Steve needs you!
4. Steve needs a new v8-pack function.
5. Steve needs YOUR money.
6. Steve needs to find a squirrel hitman.
7. Steve needs a Gordo’s Fix!
8. Steve needs another job.
9. Steve needs to stop grand standing with his smoke and mirror shows and focus on business development, alliances, and affordability.
10. Steve needs to hurry up! This isn't nap time!

I definitely need a squirrel hitman

The law in action

Steve has just received a Jury Summons!

Somebody else's life and career in his hands (and a few others obviously).

Unfortunately we haven't been in the UK long enough to qualify - we need 5 years here first. Bah! Surely we've watched enough episodes of The Bill to qualify?

I'd love to go on a jury. Though I have a feeling it would be just like sitting through a two week meeting.

Maybe next time...

Boy, is it ever big....!

That's right - the Grand Canyon is huge, massive, enormous! We splashed out and booked a helicopter ride that would take us out to the Canyon, via the Hoover Dam; we would also land at the bottom (or as close as you get in a helicopter) to have a short champagne lunch.

It all started with a stretch limousine ride from our hotel. Unfortunately, there was no champagne in the limo - just lots of bottled water. After arriving at the flight centre we weighed in - you heard it right - they're very cagey about one's weight - you have to balance out the other passengers or the chopper flies funny. Finally, we took off and started our 45 minute flight to the Canyon.

It really is quite an amazing landscape, part desert, part mountains, with the Hoover Dam and the largest man-made lake in Northern America, Lake Mead.

The chopper flew us under the canyon rim on the way to our lunch spot. Although we saw just a small part of the canyon, it only impressed us further how big it really is. The pilot said it was a mile deep and a mile wide in most parts.


Photos don't do the canyon justice, it is so massive, but hopefully you get the idea.

The lunch was held on a small mesa that is owned by the local native Americans. We had to stay to the areas and paths to avoid the rattle snakes! Afterwards, we flew back to Las Vegas, where the views of the city were pretty spectatular in their own right.

It was probably one of the more amazing things we did, on an amazing trip.

The Cure at Royal Albert Hall

It seems my Goth days are over.

I have joined the slightly suspicious group of people who wear too much black, but don't have anything to be depressed about.

Through her work*, Bridie managed to get us two tickets to see the The Cure last night.

A 3 hour set, with three encores. Which proves that Robert Smith (or Bob as we used call him in Goth Land) is still rockin', or his drugs are exceptionally good.

But in the Royal Albert Hall?

I remember a concert in Melbourne (maybe 12 years ago?) where the whole area was swarming with black hair (and occasionally, bright red hair), long jackets and makeup that could keep a mortician in business for a week.

To paraphrase a friend of mine; it looked like aliens had landed.

This happened here to a lesser extent. But we mostly had the Commercial FM listeners (AKA I've-got-a-sensible-car) who were waiting for the only song they knew - Love Cats. Which would have been disappointing, because they never played it.

But I only knew about half of the songs myself. Was the Goth genre moving without me?

Most of the audience seemed to be in the same boat. The Cure were playing stuff that nobody knew. We have a theory that they were their own support band. Or that they have a new concert tour coming up, and they're testing all the songs off the new album. Or maybe that we are just out of touch.

But we clapped anyway.

And they definitely ended on a high. It was like they moved back through time, covering the genres in reverse order. People were starting to recognise stuff. The hall became standing row only.

Everyone was excited.

And when the second encore was composed of the ever controversial "Killing an Arab" or "Fire in Cairo" - the very early songs - we thought all was lost. They didn't play our favourite songs.

But in times like these - watch the mixing desk. As a Sound Engineer friend of mine says, if they're not packing up, then there is more. And sure enough they were attentive at the desk.

And there was a third encore! And we had all the songs we wanted to hear; "Boys don't cry" for Bridie, and "A forest" for me. Aaaahh.

So we went home happy.

The Goths returned to Camden. The Suits returned to their 4WDs. And the Cure returned to their status as a SuperBand.

And me?

I guess I'm a has-been Goth now.

Note *: Her company is a sponsor of the Teenage Cancer Trust. And this was a fundraising gig.

Happy Birthday Bridie!

After breakfast in bed, we went on a tour of St Paul's Cathedral in London.

http://www.stpauls.co.uk

Including a climb up to the Whispering Gallery: 259 steps up from ground-level. It gets its name from an apparent quirk in its construction, which makes a whisper against its walls audible on the opposite side. But we couldn't verify this.

All we knew was there were enough steps to make our muscles wobbly.

We went on to the Stone Gallery next, while our leg muscles stayed on the floor below. And Steve took the plunge and went all the way to the Golden Gallery: a total of 530 steps up.

The flowers are from her friends at the Gym. Steve didn't get her any flowers...

All hail the Giant Squid

We have been doing some on-the-spot reporting.

You probably know the Natural History Museum in London has a Giant Squid. The 8.62-metre squid, called Archie, was caught off the coast of the Falkland Islands in March 2004.

http://www.nhm.ac.uk/about-us/news/2006/feb/preparation-of-giant-squid.html
http://www.nhm.ac.uk/about-us/news/2006/feb/news_5255.html
etc..

But Archie isn't on display, you need to book a tour of the Darwin Centre. This is no easy feat, as it is booked out until the end of May now. It seems Giant Squids are popular.

Well we managed to book a slot. And you, faithful believers in the power of the Giant Squid, get to find out how it went.

As you can expect they don't allow flash photography, and really I was only allowed one photo. But in our photo site you'll see some photos and a video:
http://www.fototime.com/inv/C4814A707B36051

Even apart from the Giant Squid, the Darwin Centre rocks. Sure it is mostly pickled animals and plants. And despite my search I couldn't find any brains in jars. But they do have some of the original jars from Darwin and the Beagle expedition. And even the echidna, platypus and kangaroos that were first sent back from Australia in 1880.

http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/galleries/darwin-centre/

They explained how they prepare specimens. Including using flesh-eating beetles to clean bones. There is actually a webcam to watch them work:

http://www.nhm.ac.uk/kids-only/naturecams/beetlecam/index.html

We thoroughly recommend visiting the Darwin Centre, and checking out the tour.

May the Giant Squid be Merciful and Quick.

St Patrick's Day Parade

Now you all know Bridie wanted to get married on St Patrick Day, just so she could wear green to the wedding. It is all true.

And you also know that we try to spend our anniversary in a different place each year. Though going to Ireland for our first anniversary was clearly cheating.

Last year we went to New York, and watched the St Pat's parade. It is supposed to be the biggest and best. Well compared to Dublin that isn't too hard. Admittedly the Irish have more on their minds rather than parades - there is Shamrock to be drowned!

But I wanted to go in the actual parade. We actually lived in Ireland, which is more than most of the Irish people in New York. Surely that qualifies us?

And it went forever... And ever... So much so that we went shopping instead. Three hours later, I looked out a shop window and it was still going. So it was probably just as well - our poor feet couldn't handle it.

Well this year I got my chance. We went in the New York New York parade... In Las Vegas.

The NYNY hotel simulates the shops (and slot machines) of downtown New York. There is even a ride called the Manhattan Express. Which, ironically, can steal your money, but by using G-forces.

And they have the St Pat's parade around the block. Not outside on the road, but inside - around the casino. The feet were happy with this new, innovative, solution.

Naturally we joined in.

Starting at one bar, and ending at another - it is a fine tradition. We even went over the Brooklyn Bridge (photo). And good Guinness was had by all.

The end.

We got married... Again

Before we got married (the first time) we discussed eloping - and joking about going to Las Vegas and getting married by Elvis.

Well now we are.

Though Bridie would like to point out that we didn't get 'remarried' so much as 'renewed'. Otherwise I would have to pull a Homer Simpson, and get a quickie divorce first.

Elvis serenaded Bridie as he walked her down the isle. We sang Jailhouse Rock, but this time with Elvis (instead of the Blues Brothers). And finished with classic Viva Las Vegas. The King knows how to party.

And in less than half an hour we were out on the street. And almost immediately a Contiki bus load of Aussies piled in for a special night with Elvis. Some even congratulated us on getting married.

When we arrived we met a young bride standing in the foyer, waiting to get married. And after we left another couple and entourage turned up. Even while standing on the street looking for a cab, a number of cars honked. Clearly Vegas is the place to get married. And the Graceland Wedding Chapel is a tradition - even smacked-out celebs get married here

There are photos and a video, which we haven't watch yet. But you can check the photos on the website:
www.dotphoto.com
Username: Graceland
Password: SBBAU

And in the drink

As part of the leadership training we found out what real sailors get up to in their spare time.

They practice saving a sinking ship.

So now we are in our bright orange jumpsuits about to do the same thing.

These things are waterproof, up to a point. And that point is when you're fully immersed, and the ship is officially taking on water.

It all starts in a small room above water level. The captain comes on the radio announcing incoming air raid. Suddenly the lights go out and water is flooding into the room. We then have to climb into the bowls of the ship looking at where the leaks are, and how to seal them.

And all we've got is a bunch of wooden wedges and a hammer.

The navy have obviously given this a lot of thought and there is a plan for all types of hole. It is not just about smacking wood into holes that are letting in the water. It's also about putting bracing poles in place and using whatever we can to seal up holes.

Seems easy? The water gushing in the holes is about 6 degrees, we are up to our waist in the water and the ship is rocking back and forth. So at times the water is up to your neck, filling you 'waterproof' suit with icy water.

Anyway, we seemed to save the ship. But you should be glad that the nations defences are not in our hands.

In the navy

Steve ditches the wife and heads for a life at sea!

Actually this is HMS Bristol, firmly teathered to the port. Still it is a ship, and part of the navy.

And if you look for Whale Island in google maps you see it in the southwest corner of the island.

The whole island is part of HMS Excellent, a training base for naval personnel.


But it wasn't all uniforms, marching and sump-up-the-rump. Steve was there as part of a leadership course. And there's nothing like sleeping in the cramped confines of a ship to teach leadership.

And I think being woken at 6:30 in the morning by a announcement akin to 'all hands on deck' might be part of leadership.

This is not what the Village People sang about in their classic lullaby: "In the Navy"

They're everywhere!

There is this guy known as Banksy; originally from Bristol in the UK, he has travelled around the world creating his own form of guerilla graffiti art.

Most of his work appears in the UK, but only for a short time as most of the authorities consider it graffiti and not art - and therefore paint over it.

Most of his work usually involves a political or social statement - though we're not sure everyone gets it.

Bridie found this little fella just around the corner from her work - ironically behind St Brides church yard (one of London's major plague cemeteries). We don't know how long he'll last, but we'll see.

If you want to see more about Banksy, check out his website:

http://www.banksy.co.uk/

Here is another link that shows his work in situ:

http://www.artofthestate.co.uk/Banksy/banksy.htm

The land of the Long Hot Sauna

Once again Steve has been out and about in the snow, this time naked:

A recent work trip took me to Oulu in Finland. Oulu is halfway up Finland, on the west coast. And this time of year it is pretty much white as far as the eye can see. Snow snow snow. Even the snowmen are cold.

And to celebrate our project kickoff we went to a small manor house, had some food, a few beers and into the sauna. But this house had two types of sauna; a normal one and a smoke sauna.

You make a smoke sauna by not putting a chimney in your sauna, and then burning some wood. It leaves a great smell, but the inside is covered in a fine soot. And when you get up you have a big black mark on your bum.

Damn those Finnish Saunas are hot. After a half hour of sweating out with a whole bunch of naked men, there is nothing better than a roll in the snow. Okay there is one thing better - dipping in the ice cold water. And I can tell you now that the testicles did not see the cold water coming. Oh... BRISK!

And repeat.

I had a few goes in the various saunas. I even sat in the snow for a while. Which really hurt - and the pain stays with you afterwards; until the whole area warms up. If there wasn't a crack there already I would have broken it clean off.

Apparently smoke saunas are quite rare nowadays. They have a tendency to burn down.

I would have posted photos, but my bag and camera were stolen in Heathrow. So you'll just have to imagine me standing there naked. Oh yeah.

Bridie gets a Crackberry

Bridie's work has finally dragged her into the addictive world of Crackberry. She now has more gadgets than Steve - where's the envy!

While Bridie has now joined the sad world of being accessible via email 24/7 - it will not be joining us on holidays!

Really... we just wanted an excuse to use this photo (taken at the Edinburgh Festival last year).

Pissweak world: The brewery museum

Just back from Brussels, and we thought we'd share a special nook of this fine town.

Just off the Grand Place in the centre of town is a Beer Museum. It amounts to two rooms. A room full of oldish stuff. And a room full of newish stuff.

And then you're done.

All for 4 euros each.

The photo is of other people mesmerised at how bad this place is.

But at the end you get a free (small) beer. If only to get the taste of blatant exploitation out of your mouth.

Happy New Year 2006

Since we had a big trip to Aus not so long ago, Steve is sick of airplanes; crammed in a metal tube for hours.

But we just *had* to do something for New Year's Eve. So we booked a big metal tube that goes along the ground instead.

We took the Eurostar to Brussels.

Brussels has probably about 2-3 days worth of tourism. But over the holiday season this drops dramatically as things shut. And so we probably spent too long there. So much so that we even ended up in an Irish pub wondering what to do next. The Irish know how to answer that question.

But we did get to see fireworks as they put on a good 20 minutes of stuff-blowing-up.

In the time leading up to midnight they have music playing - mostly local rock music. And the 10,000 or so people are singing along. So it was kind of fun, rather than the waiting-around that goes on in London.

So we wish you all a happy and prosperous New Year. May you get more of the stuff you like.

Steve and Bridie

First Snow!

First snow of the season. Already the trains are beginning to get delayed...

Behind you!

http://www.oldvictheatre.com/whatson.php?id=26

You might be mistaken in thinking that you are looking at a very ugly woman, when in fact it is Gandalf - in drag!

Yes that's right - in the great tradition of English pantomime, Sir Ian McKellen is playing a female lead in the Old Vic's Christmas panto of Aladdin.

Thankfully, given the seriousness and quality of the Vic's usual productions, they didn't spray water and throw out sweets - being in the front row we might have found ourselves swamped. We did however get a nice view up Sir Ian's dress a time or two!

This being our first ever Christmas panto, we went for the posh version to begin with. Honestly how can anyone pass up the chance to see Gandalf/Magneto prancing (literally) around stage in a hideously garish house coat.

As with all pantos, children were present and the jokes and gags suited to both them and to the adults in the audience. There were the famous moments of (very loud) audience participation like 'Behind you!' and 'Oh no it isn't', along with enthusiastic booing and hissing for the ubiquitous villain. There were scenes and Acts that had no place in the original tale of Aladdin - but we are told that that is what panto is all about.

So next year we think we'll go and see a local panto and see what it is really all about, preferably not in the front row, given what we've heard about the water!

p.s. Emily - the mold is truly broken now - our second production without any cast from The Bill in it! I can only hope, that the Old Vic, not being a West End theatre, doesn't count.

Steve gets a job.

Two days of unemployment and I started with Symbian, another mobile phone company. Though they sell software for mobile phones rather than the mobiles themselves.

You may have heard of them (us!) if you have an expensive phone. They sell the operating system that runs the fancy graphics and programs. Mostly on top end phones, though - apparently we cost a lot.

Symbian is based in the Waterloo area, so that means I can meet Bridie for lunch, drinks after work or even see a show. Like 'A Christmas Carol' mentioned in the previous post. It also means I could skate home, maybe...

www.symbian.com