Update - redundant salmonella

Well the Salmonella police haven't come around. Instead some nice lady rang up Bridie and asked about everything. Clearly she was too scared to come around herself. Probably scrubbing her phone with alcohol still. But the pandemic crisis seems to have been averted.

Lucky Bridie didn't tell her about the birds we are keeping under the sink. They're not looking very chirpy...

The big news is that my job is 'at risk of being made redundant.' That's right, Steve could be out on the street with nothing to do. Time to buy a Hoodie, and speak using a lot of 'f' words. In Australia I would have to change my name to Stevo.

I had a short dream about lounging around at home in the manner to which I am accustomed. Playing video games, watching daytime TV, and cashing cheques for the government. But a quick check of the finances indicated that this was a non-starter. Apparently I am high maintenance - who would have thought?

And eBay won't let me sell my liver and kidneys online.

Bridie, of course, is fine. She had a small pay rise, but not enough to pay for a layabout husband. She also refuses to part with her kidneys.

Salmon-whata?

It turns out that I had Salmonella. That's right - food poisoning. It wasn't due to overeating. Hard to believe, I know. But the Posted Poo tested positive for a little bug named after an American scientist named Salmon.

According to CDC:
Most persons infected with Salmonella develop diarrhea, fever, and abdominal cramps 12 to 72 hours after infection

So the Burj lawyers can relax.

But this isn't over yet. Apparently Salmonella is a reportable disease. So I'm waiting for the guys in space suits to turn up and put our house into a giant plastic bag. Like the sad part of ET.

Anyway, I'll keep you informed of my progress. Depends if they let me blog from within the bubble.

Burn it all!

The English do irony really well. Terrorists wanted to blow up the houses of parliament 400 years ago. And we're out celebrating it.

Still, they didn't pull it off - so I guess that is something.

The last week around here has been military general's heaven. Stuff blowing up all over the place. The masses have access to flying explosive things and by-gum they're gonna use them.

Fireworks are on sale in some food stores, and all of the dodgy stores. Names such as The Phantom, Banshee, and my personal favourite Monkeys with Exploding Coconuts. Oooo... That's gotta hurt.

There is even one called 'Bunker Buster' which was used by the forces in the Gulf.

But I blog because the park near us (called South Park) has a community group dedicated to it: Friends of South Park. And every year they have a bonfire and fireworks show. And this year we got all local and wandered down.

And it is really sweet - hotdogs and chocolate crackles for the kids, mulled wine for the adults, and stuff burning and other stuff exploding with bright lights in the air. And with every explosion the kids howled louder.

A real community thing. Probably not what the original terrorists were planning originally, but they would approve now.

Chicken Pyjamas

One of the myths about living in London is you can get anything. Japanese food: Around the corner. Fireworks: Going off outside house right now. Dirty, stinking, covered in mud, and deaf beyond all medical help: any festival.

But it has become a sad truth that Chicken Parmigiana is unavailable in this country.

Sure you can get something that has a similar name. Sometimes it even looks like it. Suprisingly Emirates even had a crack at it for their inflight meal. Good lord that was the worst I have ever eaten - like a chicken pancake in red slop.

So nothing matches those listed on
http://www.superparma.com/

Melbourne has a fine tradition of Chicken Parma. And Bridie and I went out with Dooze, Kyoko and Jamie to the number 1 place, the Palmerston Hotel.

And this is a photo of Jamie eating it. Mmmmm.....

I love Chicken Parmigiana.

Now it is not true that our visit to Oz was just culinary. We also ate Dim Sims. Not that I love Dimmys any less than Chicken PJs. No. That cat flavoured snack is safe in my list of favourite foods.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dim_Sims

Dinner with Chuck

See that food in front of us?

Bridie is having Wagyu steak - the steak reserved for Japanese Emperors. Get 1 cow, feed it beer and grain, let it watch TV all day and not only do you get contented milk, you get a special tasty beef.

I'm having lobster. It's good. It died for my meal and I don't have to mess around with the fiddly bits. I'm happy.

So why, a few hours later, am I talking on the Porcelain Phone to a guy named Chuck?

We're having lunch in the Burj Al Arab: The Seven Star hotel. Which just goes to show you can call yourself whatever you damn well want (maybe except Doctor - as Dr Pepper found out). Apparently this place is soooo posh that there are people there to help you wipe your bum. Though they were conveniently nowhere to be seen when I took mine to the toilet.

Umm... There was a guy there with hand cream now that I think about it... though best not to dwell on it.

After lunch we wander off for a bit of a shop and a walk. Easy to do in Dubai. But we have a boat booked for later and I need a bit of a nap first to digest.

But the digestion never happens.

Too soon and we are onto the boat, and out on Dubai Creek. The boat is a traditional type called a dhow, and the creek is actually a really wide river. But this is a dinner cruise, and this little black duck is not feeling well.

I even tried a bit of supermodel technique and went for a quiet chuck in the boat's toilet. The stomach was willing, but the throat didn't deliver. No doubt the staff wondered what all the noise was.

I drank fizzy water all night in the hope that a good burp would distract the throat - so that the stomach could get a good delivery in. Nada - my stomach was very happy to churn with every rocking motion - but no results.

Only when we got back to the hotel did I coax the unsettled beast out. Bridie stayed in the bedroom, constantly turning up the TV whenever she heard too much.

As far as meals go this is probably the most expensive I have ever eaten. Certainly it is the most expensive that I have had to taste twice. With the possible exception of airline food. At least on a plane you get to go somewhere.

The legal representatives from the Burj would like me to point out that I probably didn't get it from them. After all Bridie and I shared everything. The only time she felt sick was listening to me complain. If anything it was probably just a bug that I picked up, and carefully incubated on the way back here. Or maybe I just ate too much.

Follow-up:
I went to the doctor yesterday. She wanted a sample. I obliged with this mornings ablution. I had to return it to the doctor's surgery. But they weren't open. So I put it through their mail slot.

I posted poo for the first time today.